Posts filed under 'Relationship Coaching'
Listen on-line to the Conscious Life Radio Show – Today September 10th
Listen on-line today while one of my Wake Up Women co-authors, Christina South, and her co-host, Deborah Busch, interview me about The Power of Conscious and Intentional Relationships. I’ll talk about how raising your awareness about what’s really going on in your relationship and being intentional about how you’re being in your relationship can create powerful positive changes.
Click on the link (in column to the right) to Conscious Life Radio and tune in at 5:00pm Eastern. I’ll post the audio of the program once its available - I’d love to hear what you think! (There are several other great interviews there already – check them out!)
Warmly,
Jennifer
1 comment September 10, 2008
Five Magic Hours That Could Save Your Marriage
Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D., is a psychologist and leading US relationship expert who has conducted studies of thousands of couples at his “Love Lab” at The Gottman Institute in Seattle for over 30 years. One of the ‘bibles’ for Relationship Coaches is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, co-authored by Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver.
In this book, Dr. Gottman describes a follow up study of couples who had previously attended workshops with The Gottman Institute, in which the researchers looked for what might distinguish couples whose marriages continued to improve from those whose marriages did not. They were surprised to find that couples whose relationships continued to be strong were devoting only an extra five hours a week to their marriages. Gottman calls these The Magic Five Hours.
Gottman found that these small, but important, steps when done consistently will improve and strengthen your relationship. At the end of the week, the total time for these steps is approximately five hours (that’s less than one hour a day to spend on your relationship!).
Partings—when you part in the morning make sure you’ve learned about one thing happening in your partner’s day. Estimated time: 2 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 10 minutes per week
Reunions— Spend 20 minutes at the end of each workday to reconnect and talk about your day. Such a conversation with reduce your stress at the end of the day. Estimated time: 20 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 1 hour, 40 minutes per week
Admiration and Appreciation—Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week
Affection—Kiss, hold, grab and touch each other while you’re together – be playful with each other. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. A kiss can be a way to let go of any minor irritations that may have built up over the day. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week
Weekly Date—Take at least two hours every week to stay connected in a low-pressure way. Use the time to talk to get to know each other even more, update each other about important issues, go out on a date, and enjoy being together. You can also use the time to work through any arguments or issues that may have come up. Estimated time: 2 hours per week
This minimal amount of time spent regularly could go a long way in keeping your marriage on track!
A Coaching Moment:
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What has to change in your daily routine to make an extra 5 hours for each other (and for your marriage) over the course of a week?
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What would be some fun things to do together?
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What do you want more of from your spouse, and your relationship?
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If you are curious about what Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching can do for you and your spouse, or partner(s) or team, feel free to send me an email at trilogy@pathcom.com to request a free sample session.
Warmly,
Jennifer
6 comments August 24, 2008
The Third Entity of Co-Leaders
My coaching partner and I have just completed an amazing three-day intensive ‘Co-Facilitation’ workshop, delivered through the Center for Right Relationship (CRR). Besides being a wonderful weekend where we were immersed in the stuff of coaching and relationships (which we love), we had fabulous learning around our strengths and abilities as co-leaders, or co-facilitators, of the coaching programs and workshops we deliver together.
Since we had completed CRR’s Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching program in 2007, we were already aware of the concept of the “Third Entity,” which can be described as the voice of a “system.” The relationship between my partner and me is a separate entity in and of itself, and has its own needs and voice. The key in Relationship and Systems Coaching is to tune into the voice of the Third Entity.
This workshop focused on training our Third Entity, and using what we learned in the delivery of a brief presentation to the other participants using a specific experiential learning model (which I think is a fantastic model). Boy, did we learn a lot! Concepts such as completing each other’s thoughts, showing a united front, casting spells, using roles of ‘teacher’, ‘colleague’ and ’starwalker’, and how to handle ’yellow balls’ & ’sceamers’ (learnings you want in the room & unexpected questions or comments) kept us on our toes (and kept me exhausted!). The weekend was truly magical and empowering.
Our Third Entity was encouraged to bring out more playfulness, be more provocative, and ’sparkle’ more. It is very exciting for us work on ‘being’ more this way and add these elements into our delivery. I think this will allow us to provide even more impactful programs and workshops.
A Coaching Moment:
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What are the qualities of your and your partner’s (or team members’) Third Entity?
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What qualities are wanting to be allowed to shine even more?
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How could you encourage your partner and/or other team members to take a look at how your Third Entity could be even more powerful?
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If you are curious about what Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching can do for you and your partner(s) or team, feel free to send me an email at trilogy@pathcom.com to request a free sample session.
Warmly,
Jennifer
Add comment July 28, 2008
Fun at Relationship Retreat in Muskoka
My husband and I have just returned from a fun Relationship Retreat in beautiful Muskoka (Ontario). We joined another couple and our two facilitators, Jennifer & Sharon, to spend the weekend fully focused on our relationship and building on the fire and passion that already exists in our relationship (we’ve been married just over a year, after all!).
We came away from the weekend with more clarity around how we want to BE together, what core values we hold as a couple, a vision for our future together and an action plan to move toward goals that we have set for our relationship. I think its a great way to start off a relationship, and a great way for any couple to re-connect at any point in their relationship.
As a Relationship Coach, I was familiar with some of the tools that Jennifer & Sharon used during the Retreat. There was still new learning for me as it provided a very special time for my husband and I to reconnect with each other and with what is most important to us as a couple. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of our usually hectic pace of life was a joy, indeed, and I let Jennifer & Sharon know that we would love to return on an annual basis for a refresher. It would be a wonderful way to celebrate each wedding anniversary!
- When was the last time you were able to sit down with your partner and talk about how to create the best relationship ever?
- How do you articulate what’s working and what’s not working when you are relating to each other (that is, how you are BEING with each other)?
- When did you last discuss your dreams for your future?
A Relationship Wheel is a great tool that you can use to get the discussion started! You and your partner can each complete a wheel on your own (see My Favourite Resources), and then share your answers to the following questions with each other:
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how fulfilled am I, currently, in each focus area?
- What would a fulfilled relationship look like for me in each focus area?
- What would it take to become more fulfilled in each focus area? What could I do to raise my score?
Once you’ve shared your answers with each other, try standing in your partner’s shoes. Imagine what your relationship looks like from your partner’s perspective. What’s new for each you from this place?
I encourage you to check out Jennifer & Sharon’s site at Retreat 2 Muskoka for more information about their retreat offerings.
If you are curious about what Relationship Coaching could do for you and your partner, feel free to send me an email at trilogy@pathcom.com to request a free sample session.
Warmly,
Jennifer
Add comment June 2, 2008
