Five Magic Hours That Could Save Your Marriage

Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D., is a psychologist and leading US relationship expert who has conducted studies of thousands of couples at his “Love Lab” at The Gottman Institute in Seattle for over 30 years.  One of the ‘bibles’ for Relationship Coaches is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, co-authored by Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver.

In this book, Dr. Gottman describes a follow up study of couples who had previously attended workshops with The Gottman Institute, in which the researchers looked for what might distinguish couples whose marriages continued to improve from those whose marriages did not.  They were surprised to find that couples whose relationships continued to be strong were devoting only an extra five hours a week to their marriages.  Gottman calls these The Magic Five Hours.

Gottman found that these small, but important, steps when done consistently will improve and strengthen your relationship. At the end of the week, the total time for these steps is approximately five hours (that’s less than one hour a day to spend on your relationship!).

Partings—when you part in the morning make sure you’ve learned about one thing happening in your partner’s day. Estimated time: 2 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 10 minutes per week

Reunions— Spend 20 minutes at the end of each workday to reconnect and talk about your day. Such a conversation with reduce your stress at the end of the day. Estimated time: 20 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 1 hour, 40 minutes per week

Admiration and Appreciation—Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week

Affection—Kiss, hold, grab and touch each other while you’re together – be playful with each other.  Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. A kiss can be a way to let go of any minor irritations that may have built up over the day. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week

Weekly Date—Take at least two hours every week to stay connected in a low-pressure way.  Use the time to talk to get to know each other even more, update each other about important issues, go out on a date, and enjoy being together. You can also use the time to work through any arguments or issues that may have come up. Estimated time: 2 hours per week

This minimal amount of time spent regularly could go a long way in keeping your marriage on track!

A Coaching Moment:

• What has to change in your daily routine to make an extra 5 hours for each other (and for your marriage) over the course of a week?
• What would be some fun things to do together?
• What do you want more of from your spouse, and your relationship?

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If you are curious about what Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching can do for you and your spouse, or partner(s) or team, feel free to send me an email at trilogy@pathcom.com to request a free sample session.

Warmly,
Jennifer