Happy Father’s Day

Father’s Day has just passed, and I feel grateful to have so many men in my life to wish “Happy Father’s Day” to.

My husband, Chris, is a fantastic Dad to his 3 kids, and I’m very proud of the relationship he has with them.

My own Dad has been a model of love and compassion my whole life, and a lot of fun. He’s just returned from a 2-week trip to Scotland where he and my brother enjoyed a ’scotch-and-golf’ adventure.  I saw him last weekend at a family picnic, and will see him again next week when we have our annual family golf tournament (we all golf – my parents, siblings and most of our kids).

I am also fortunate to have two fathers-in-law!  One is my first – my first husband, Kenn’s father, with whom I’m still in touch and call on special occasions. I’ve know him since 1975 (today would have been my and Kenn’s 30th wedding anniversary).

My relationship with my second father-in-law is fairly new; Chris and I have been married just over 1 year, although I have been welcomed in my new in-laws’ home with open arms for 6 years now.

I know that not everyone has such good fortune.  Although my step-kids’ parents are divorced, the kids are fortunate to have exceptional parenting on both sides. Special days are shared and even on weekends when its not ‘his turn,’ Chris is able to spend the entire Father’s Day with them.

I came across the following tips about shared parenting on special days, written by Carolyn B. Ellis on SelfGrowth.com:

Divorce and separation can mean that special family holidays, like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, can end up being stressful and full of conflict. When you’re separated or divorced, what kind of role does the ex-spouse play in helping the children show that for their other parent?

Here are a few tips to ensure you can enjoy these special holidays!

1. Make a Plan in Advance

It’s important to be prepared in advance of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Agreement on how to handle these days can be included as part of your parenting plan. If at all possible, it’s great when the children can spend at least some time with the parent who has the special day happening. Don’t leave who’s going to be where with whom until the last minute.

 

2. Be Prepared to Give and Take
Negotiating with a former spouse is never easy, but you can gain a lot of cooperation in the long-term by being willing to reciprocate. One good turn deserves another. If the children are scheduled to be with their Dad on Mother’s Day, ask if you can arrange a switch or at least a part of the day that the kids can be with Mom. Offer to reciprocate in kind when Father’s Day rolls around.

3. Keep The Children’s Best Interests in Mind
Keep your children’s best interests at the top of your priority list. Unfortunately there seem to be divorced parents out there who need reminding of this. If you have power struggles going on with your ex, use a divorce coach or other professional to work it out so you can keep your children out of the cross-fire. Put yourself in the shoes of your children and see what would serve them best in this situation.

4. Support Your Children To Celebrate the Other Parent
Children sometimes need help and encouragement to express their appreciation for their parent, particularly when they are young. Even though you may not feel like sending off a Happy Mother’s Day card yourself, your children will. Remind them that a special day is coming up and see what they need. Perhaps you can take them to the drug store to get a gift, or ensure they have supplies so they can make their own card.

 

5. Creating Special Moments
Ultimately Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not about the gifts. It’s about creating and sharing special moments with Mom or Dad. Teach your children it isn’t necessary to “buy” a gift. Simple events like a board game, walk in the park, or preparing Mom or Dad breakfast in bed can be far more meaningful to both the parent and the child.

6. New Partners in the Picture
When Mom or Dad has someone new in the picture, should the children celebrate them too? It depends on the nature of the relationship. Follow your children’s lead in this department. If they want to include the new step-mom or step-dad, that’s great! If it feels awkward or disloyal to them, don’t force it upon them just because it might make you feel better.

 

 

See Carolyn’s article at http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/divorce_politics_6_tips_to_handle.html

 

A Coaching Moment:

What’s important to you about how you celebrate Special Family Days?

If you have children, how do you teach them the importance of maintaining good relationships?

Happy Belated Father’s Day to all you Dads out there!

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If you are curious about what Relationship Coaching can do for you and your partner, feel free to send me an email at trilogy@pathcom.com to request a free sample session.

Warmly,
Jennifer

Fun at Relationship Retreat in Muskoka

My husband and I have just returned from a fun Relationship Retreat in beautiful Muskoka (Ontario).  We joined another couple and our two facilitators, Jennifer & Sharon, to spend the weekend fully focused on our relationship and building on the fire and passion that already exists in our relationship (we’ve been married just over a year, after all!).

We came away from the weekend with more clarity around how we want to BE together, what core values we hold as a couple, a vision for our future together and an action plan to move toward goals that we have set for our relationship.  I think its a great way to start off a relationship, and a great way for any couple to re-connect at any point in their relationship.

As a Relationship Coach, I was familiar with some of the tools that Jennifer & Sharon used during the Retreat. There was still new learning for me as it provided a very special time for my husband and I to reconnect with each other and with what is most important to us as a couple.  Getting away from the hustle and bustle of our usually hectic pace of life was a joy, indeed, and I let Jennifer & Sharon know that we would love to return on an annual basis for a refresher. It would be a wonderful way to celebrate each wedding anniversary!

• When was the last time you were able to sit down with your partner and talk about how to create the best relationship ever?
• How do you articulate what’s working and what’s not working when you are relating to each other (that is, how you are BEING with each other)?
• When did you last discuss your dreams for your future?

A Relationship Wheel is a great tool that you can use to get the discussion started! You and your partner can each complete a wheel on your own (see My Favourite Resources), and then share your answers to the following questions with each other:

1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how fulfilled am I, currently, in each focus area?
2. What would a fulfilled relationship look like for me in each focus area?
3. What would it take to become more fulfilled in each focus area? What could I do to raise my score?

Once you’ve shared your answers with each other, try standing in your partner’s shoes. Imagine what your relationship looks like from your partner’s perspective. What’s new for each you from this place?

I encourage you to check out Jennifer & Sharon’s site at Retreat 2 Muskoka for more information about their retreat offerings.

If you are curious about what Relationship Coaching could do for you and your partner, feel free to send me an email at trilogy@pathcom.com to request a free sample session.

Warmly,
Jennifer